Before you decide, hey, this guy is a jerk, and stop reading, or hey, finally a macho man, I challenge you to punctuate the title.

We men often make fools of ourselves attempting to be liked by a woman.  Women, though few men know it, hold all the trump cards in picking partners. They pick us.  Until about fifty years ago I believe women knew that.

However, the culture has been telling them that they are the same as men in sexual matters and, because it has been repeated often enough, many have bought the lie.  In accepting the idea that we are the same, women have relinquished their best man-selecting trump card:  “No! Where is the ring?”

Women weren’t always virtuous, but they were always smart.  You see, men and women engage in sex for different reasons.  Men pretend love for sex, and women pretend sex for love.  Mull this assertion awhile.



Guys cannot win in the battle of the sexes.  When a man is attracted to a woman and gets physically close enough to have his testosterone react with her pheromones – especially if she coos and looks at him seductively – he is captured.  During the chemical reaction the man reaches a point where the decision-making part of his brain is unable to function.


According to Dr. Neal Trautman of the National Institute of Ethics, if a man remains in that kind of situation long enough, by medical definition, he becomes   intoxicated.  And, “God forbid!” he mixes alcohol AND pheromones: the stupidity gene reigns.

The best solution I’ve heard for this temptation comes from the Bible: “Run.”

Dr. Trautman is the only L.E. trainer who addressed this subject in his classes.  My friend’s neighbor, a cancer victim, lost her cop husband whose passion for his female partner persuaded him to divorce her at such a critical time in her life.




What man has not done something stupid to impress the female of his desires and fantasies?  I suspect women’s desires and fantasies about men are different and less related to the bedroom.

You may wonder why this is relevant to cops.

Well, it has to do with the relationship of ethics to suicide.  Most of the cop suicides in Chicago in the last few years have some commonalities: they involved promiscuous sexual behaviors and alcohol, both of which are intoxicants for all men, and at least two of the women.


In Jack London’s novel “The Call of the Wild and White Fang”, p.158, Wordsworth Editions he said, “One cannot violate the promptings of one’s nature without having that nature recoil upon itself.”  Suicide is the ultimate recoiling of one’s nature upon itself. Observing so many incidents that involve promiscuity, love triangles and alcohol, I cannot help but think there may be a connection. Yet, it seems that nobody wants to speak of it.

Sex is the most human thing we can do because it ensures the continuation of humans and creates bonds between a man and woman that cannot be explained. They are more than just pleasure seeking or species continuation.  These bonds have tendrils that run deep into the heart and straight to the netherworld when abused.

Animals in heat cannot help themselves and must engage if a mate is available.  Humans however, have greater choice of when and with whom to engage in copulation. If discretion is not used and pleasure is the only end, is it possible that our nature recoils upon itself?



These situations become complicated and overwhelming for people. Rather than stopping the behaviors, humans are tempted to use negative methods like alcohol, drugs or more promiscuity as they seek relief rather than examining the rationality of the behavior that caused the recoil.

Judging from ethics classes where I raised this issue, many recruits think promiscuity is okay. They embrace and promote it – especially men.  They’ll cover for friends with lies and have even said it is expected in law enforcement.

The first few times I heard this I was shocked.  Now I see it as the norm because the general culture is hyper-sexualized worsened by children in grammar school who are being introduced to sex as a pleasure tool.  Masturbation is being taught and promoted in some curriculums.

Culturally, the idea of sex being sacred between a man and wife is laughed at and demeaned as archaic. Yet, research points to the family unit as producing the most stable children and happiest couples.

Business speaker, Jim Rohn, said suffering is part of life and we get to choose our pain.  The pain of self-discipline weighs ounces, and must be accepted often enough to become habit or we suffer the agony of regret.  This pain weighs tons.  It overwhelms us, particularly in the most human of matters.  In this context, perhaps the burden of promiscuous sex is so heavy that suicide seems a less painful option.

This topic is one of those gorillas in the room and I wonder if anyone wants to breach it.

Would you have the courage to breech it with a colleague who is abusing his/her sexual gifts? The risk saying that to a friend is being told to STFU and losing the friendship. But, what if it saves a life or a family from the suffering brought on by the agony of regret?



Oh yes, did you punctuate the title?

The men I asked to do this punctuated it like this; “Woman, without her man is nothing.”

Women see it differently.  They punctuate it like this; “Woman, without her, man is nothing.”

Well, I suppose there is another touchy issue.

At the bottom line, it’s all about saving just ONE life.



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