I remember vividly the day that shiny new badge was pinned on my chest and how proud I was to be getting into the “good fight” and having the ability to make positive change in the community I would now serve. I remember going through the police academy and pushing through the fitness training so that I could be the best version of me for those I would serve.

I drank all of the Kool-Aid and wanted more!

I wanted to be the very best cop I could be and then be even better!

Somewhere since the time I pinned that badge on my chest for the first time and now, I have lost that luster and love for the job. Why? Why the HELL am I still doing this? The public that once respected and loved the police now finds every reason under the sun to disrespect us, to challenge us in our duties, and to outright hate us.

We are being murdered at an alarming rate and yet it still doesn’t make front page news in most instances. In fact, in some cases, there is more outrage about the deaths of those meaning to do us harm than there is for the death of a police officer doing their job. Why the HELL am I still doing this?!

The current culture in this country is one that I simply don’t understand and have a hard time thinking about where we will be in 20 or 30 years from now. Those screaming to defund the police and the city “leaders” allowing their own cities to be taken over by criminals are alarming.

Those same “leaders” are tying the hands of our brothers and sisters in blue and forcing them to stand idling by while the communities that they serve are torn to bits. All the while their benefits are being decreased, their pay is remaining stagnant, their retirement is dwindling away, and of course recruitment is at an all-time low. Why the HELL am I still doing this?!

Why the HELL am I still doing this you ask? Because I am the light in the dark, I am the force to be reckoned with in the middle of the night when the monsters come calling, I am the angel that you are praying will show up when evil is near you, I am the THIN BLUE line of brave defenders standing between peace and chaos! That’s why the hell I am still doing this.

That is why I strap on my vest and gun belt to go out and make my community safer. That’s why I miss holidays, weekend events, time with family and friends and why I get up the next day to do it all again. Because if not me, then who? If I don’t strap up and prepare to battle the world’s evil then who will and who will ensure those who need protecting are protected?

Times are dark across the thin blue line right but we are needed now more than ever before. We have seen dark times in the history of our service but we still remain and we are still needed. I charge every brother and sister in blue to look deep into their reflection in the mirror before heading out to their next shift…ask yourself, Why the HELL am I still doing this?

The answer will come to you as you see visions of the ones you have helped over the years and the lives you’ve saved or made a substantial difference in because you showed up when they needed you. We all have those “wins” and when you start questioning “Why the HELL am I still doing this?” … Remind yourself of the many reasons why. Stay safe and above all else … always make it home safe and sound!

Isaiah 6:8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. SEND ME!!!”

“Above all, it’s about going home at the end of the shift … “

We couldn’t agree more.



Matt enjoys hearing from his readers – EMAIL

Thank you for allowing us to share this article with you.

Please LIKE, SHARE and leave a comment about this article below.

Our editor can be contacted with any questions or input here EMAIL



Remember to ‘Follow’ us

on Instagram.




Thank you for supporting CopBlue.