This is a quick read. It is meant for patrol officers and the sergeants who lead those teams.
This is a Short Study: How to smile when you are thinking about work or just getting ready.
Simply: I want to clear-out bullshit and help you sharpen your focus.
Engaging sexually or showing a sexually-driven interest in another and has NOTHING to do with love.
Here are some examples which ought to clear-up any misconceptions.
– Consider sexual intercourse at a whore house –legal or otherwise. I’m told the owners of the ‘Chicken Ranch’ in Las Vegas have lots of folks on site engaging in sex. Not many marriage ceremonies on site, though.
– Consenting men at a gay bath-house. It’s not a love-fest. No one is giving or getting flowers.
– Sex driven strictly by hormones or power. Think of Bill Clinton, Harvey Weinstein … the list is too long, not enough space here. I’m sure you get the idea.
My Dad (God Rest his soul) gave me these very wise words when I was in my middle teen years: “A stiff dick has no conscience.” Well said, Dad. Accurate, too.
Love between two people does NOT mandate the inclusion of sexual activity.
People get themselves into horrible trouble when sex is wrongly introduced into a relationship that is meant to be sex-free.
- Parental love for their children – or vice/versa.
- Love between siblings.
- Many long-term marriages where one partner loses interest in sex. This usually causes the other partner to seek satisfaction outside the marriage, which may or may not work out well.
- Members of a church who become close as a result of working together.
- God’s love for us.
The most important fallacy I want to dislodge is this because it wreaks havoc with too many American men – and especially cops:
The verbal expression of love by one man to another is NOT an invitation for sexual engagement.
SO, WHAT IS LOVE, ANYWAY?
People don’t FALL into love. And, they don’t FALL out of love.
Some thirty years ago, my wife and I went on a Marriage Encounter Weekend. It did great stuff for our relationship and the sex was out of this world. Better than our honeymoon. But, I digress. Sorry.
DEFINITION: Love is a DECISION. It is the decision to put the needs of another person ahead of your own.
Pure and simple.
You can do it with your zone partner – or your sergeant. You can do it on a moment’s notice.
WHAT DOES HATE HAVE TO DO WITH IT?
Cops constantly encounter people who play-act that they love you when (in reality) they HATE you. Why? To get you to do something they want, or get something from you.
It is critical that we develop the skills to identify the haters.
Example: the recently elected sheriff of our county had been the chief of a large well-known city here. His ten-year contract with the city was due for renewal. Insiders said it wouldn’t be renewed.
It is believed that his people had figured him out: a bully, through-and-through. Results confirmed that they stopped going the extra distance for said chief. Crime stats up, badly. Case closure rates (especially serious crimes) slid. Staff turnover is up. And the list goes on.
He got shuttled to the sheriff’s office where the shine now is reportedly wearing off and unnamed insiders are about to educate the boy about the differences between being a political appointee (i.e. chief) and an elected official (sheriff).
This ought to be interesting to watch. Nothing better than seeing a self-serving HATER get castrated in public.
Haters are in the minority, but like snakes, they typically know how to hide well and attack when it serves their purposes – no matter who it hurts or kills.
Closing thoughts on HATERS: learn how to recognize them, fight them or get the hell away from them as fast as possible.
IT’S THE LOVERS WHO MATTER
Recent life has brought two people very close to me. First is Chris D. He is now a retired Sergeant from Edgewater (FL) PD where he was the IA sergeant and handled obtaining CALEA certification for the agency.
Chris loves his community and his coworkers.
He is currently learning to live with the outcome of a career-ending injury and is learning to manage leukemia. Some days are better than others, but Chris is always a top-drawer, loving cop. And, he always will be.
Second is Milt A. He is the retired Chief of a small Michigan agency. I trained his guys for him on computer-based crash reporting. Our crew wrote grants for the the agency, as well.
Milt loves cop work and the people in it.
I think he knows everyone in the F.O.P., everyone in the state and national governments and he has served on a bunch of boards and councils all of which are aimed at improving the lives of cops. In short, Milt has been around forever and knows everyone.
CopBlue has been blessed because these two guys have joined our team.
Milt sent me an email last week which stopped me in my tracks. While it says some great things about us, it is really talking about all of us who LOVE cops and cop work. I want to share a small part of it with you:
Milt said, “The other thing, I feel good about being part of this project (CopBlue), the good it’s doing already and what it’s going to do in the future.
You’ve always been about one thing, and that’s saving cops’ lives, saving their overall well-being and the well-being of their family – the blue one and the one at home.
You’ve never wavered from that and I don’t think you ever will. You have that ability to make people who may feel they’ve hit rock bottom realize the sun is still going to come up, the sky is still going to be blue and they will put their pants on one leg at a time the next day.”
SIGNS OF LOVE AROUND US
Late last week, there was a funeral service for U.S. Deputy Marshall Christopher David Hill held in Hershey, PA. He had been killed while trying to serve an arrest warrant in Harrisburg, PA.
The headline read, ‘THOUSANDS ATTEND MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR SLAIN U.S. DEPUTY MARSHALL.” Every attendee present that day was announcing his/her love for Officer Hill.
A few years ago, while attending an ILEETA annual conference, I was blessed with encountering ‘Coach’ Bob Lindsey. I was blown away with the love that oozed from every pore of this man’s being.
He lectured us, listened to us, laughed with us and cried with us. Most of all, he made it vividly clear: he loved us and every cop for all that they are and all that they do. I will remember that session always.
Last, but not least, is a man whom I cannot find words to fully describe. His name is Joe Mason and he is part of the Roswell, NM PD.
I came across Joe when he was an Auxiliary Officer in Taylor, MI. Joe was a top-drawer kind of cop whom others looked-up to. Even as an Auxiliary, Joe had established himself as a cop’s cop.
He’s been in Roswell just long enough to begin getting longevity checks. And, he just concluded a three year stint in C.I.D. Now, it’s back to patrol. But not before the crew he is leaving had a plaque made about his exemplary work in their group and how much he will be missed.
It’s filled with the kind of words that are written about someone for the eulogy at their funeral. And, Joe’s still a kid (by my standards, anyway).
ARE YOU A LOVER?
WILL YOU ALLOW YOURSELF BE LOVED?
EXACTLY HOW DO YOU DO IT?
Remember: LOVE has nothing to do with sex. If necessary, write that on the blackboard 1,000 times until you remember it. <grin>
Express your love in private.
Time and place are important.
DO’T shout “I love you!” out across the locker room or while standing next to the listener at a urinal. Both are bad ideas. Be discreet. (I know: that’s tough for me to do, too.)
– After an especially hot call.
– At the end of a tough shift.
– When you are grateful for something they have done.
What words fit?
Your OWN words are most important. Here are a few possibilities:
– I care about you.
– I am / will be praying for you.
– I love you as my brother.
– I have the love of God for you.
Please use whatever you feel fits you best. It MUST be from-the-heart.
Most of all, it must be SINCERE.
Once you’ve done it, if it felt awkward, say so. Admit it. The other person will know it, anyway – so why try to hide it?
Loving feels so much better than hating. And, it’s the best defense we have for it.
At the bottom line, it’s all about saving just ONE life.