HUMOR IN UNIFORM


From the day you walk into the police academy halls for the first time you begin to realize this job is going to be very different. It is so crazy that sometimes you just laugh out loud. For instance, there are many times that you receive calls about people’s trash pickup, water bill, electricity being off and an entire host of other things as well.

There were many days that I went to work and did everything but do what a police officer is traditionally supposed to do.

 

SHE WANTED HIM OUT OF HER BED

One night, in the small jurisdiction I served in, I went to a house where a lady came home at 9:00PM after a long day’s work and found an opossum under her bed. Finding someone from the animal control office to come out after dark is like finding a four-leafed clover. It is doable but it takes some eye straining and is hard on your knees.

So, after some coaxing, some cursing and continuous squealing like a schoolgirl by the lady of the house, we finally corralled the little critter. Sadly, I then took the little intruder for his last ride to a country road where he met his ultimate demise.

Just kidding, we released him in the wild to return to the rest of his furry friends. After the release of the prisoner, we returned to service and hopefully the police work we were supposed to be doing. Just another day in the life.

 

WE PLAYED GHOST-BUSTERS

I could tell thousands of stories of different things that we did while I was working, but I will share just one more. This is not something I did but it is legendary at the agency where I served. Getting animal control to come out at night is very difficult but getting mental health to come out at night is like finding water in the heart of the desert.

The administration sends you to classes for dealing with the mentally ill, but they never actually prepare you to deal with the reality of it. Sometimes, folks are just harmless and eccentric. I know that you shouldn’t feed into someone’s delusions, but I don’t think there is any harm in being creative in helping to solve the problem if you can.

We received a series of calls to a house in the middle of the night from a lady claiming that she was hearing noises under her floorboards. We went out several times each night to this residence. We never found anything under the house.



 

One night, an enterprising officer who will forever remain nameless came up with a plan. You see, the part I didn’t tell you was the fact the lady believed midgets were living under her house and bumping their heads on the floorboards beneath her feet. Crazy much?

The officer had a friend who worked for an extermination company. They created a solution to a rather complex problem. He had his friend filled one of the poison canisters with water and sprayed it in under the house. While the lady watched.

The crazy lady wasn’t a danger to herself. She wasn’t a danger to the community. She didn’t need to be committed. She just needed someone to come up with a creative solution to solve her perceived issue. Once she saw the extermination truck and that someone was taking her seriously, she was overjoyed.

She never made another call about the midgets and, to my knowledge, she lived out the rest of her life without making any more calls to us about them.

 

CONCLUSION

So, at the end of the shift when you look back and ask yourself, “How much police work did I really do today?”  Does it really matter?

 

We are the Jack of all Trades and the Master of One. The Mastery we hold is one to help people in their time of need … and, that’s all that really matters, isn’t it?

 “Above all, it’s about going home at the end of the shift … “

We couldn’t agree more.

 


 

Danny enjoys hearing from his readers – EMAIL

Cartoon compliments of Steve Burnette, Sun Mesa Studios,   www.sunmesastudios.com.

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