I traveled the world as a Marine. I saw things that plucked at my heart strings. I thought how terrible it must be to live and suffer this way. I walked away thanking God this was not in my country.
I saw death, I saw hunger and I saw lawlessness where authority was not respected. In my heart I knew when I went home I would be so very lucky to be in a place where we did not suffer these horrible things.
When my tour in the Marines ended, I knew that I had to do something. I knew that I had to be a part of something bigger than myself.
I became a police officer because I wanted to continue to serve my country.
I became a police officer because I want to serve my fellow man. Little did I know that I would face the same things in my homeland as I did in countries far away. This is when I began to wrestle demons in the dark.
I have seen people so poor that they didn’t have any idea where their next meal would come from. Their cupboards were bare and so were their pockets.
I have seen people without hope who had that dead look in their eyes. This is the same look you see in the eyes of refugees fleeing war-torn lands. People who have lost all hope.
These are the demons that I wrestle with in the dark.
I have seen death visited upon the innocent. I have witnessed little ones suffocated by drunk or drugged parents who came home so high they had no idea they had even killed their own children.
There is nothing as sad as peering at the body of a lifeless child. Their only sin was being born to parents who did not care, and should have never had children at all.
These are the demons that I wrestle with in the dark.
I have been on the receiving end of a call from a woman who was terrified of her ex-husband. She was certain he would kill her. I sat back, powerless to intervene because it was not within my authority to help her.
I stood shell-shocked as I heard the news of her murder and his suicide in a town just a few miles away.
These are the demons that I wrestle with in the dark.
I have sat alone in my patrol car with a gun in my hand praying for my worries to subside. I have sat in a graveyard with a gun in my hand trying to think of a reason to continue moving forward.
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READ MORE: THE EMOTIONAL TOLL OF BEING THE POLICE
So much misery, so much pain in the place I live, in the place I work and I am powerless to stop it. How much I would have loved to have been there to bring order from chaos. How much I would have loved to bring happiness from sadness but I am powerless to do so.
These are the demons that I wrestle with in the dark.
I am one of the lucky ones.
I didn’t cross the line.
I took my sadness, my misery, my despair, pushed it aside and continued to live.
I still wrestle with demons in the dark. I always will wrestle with them but I realized I don’t do it alone.
My brothers and sisters they are with me. They would never leave me alone on a call, they would never let me fight alone and I would never abandon them.
Are you considering suicide because you feel alone? You need to realize that you aren’t alone now. And, you never will be.
There are thousands of people just like you and just like me. We all wrestle with demons, at times.
They have been in the same place as you – or, they are or very close to it.
Please don’t give up.
Please don’t quit on yourself.
Please don’t quit on your brothers and sisters.
You may be the person who answers their call when they are in need.
Would you want to fail them? Let us answer your call for help now just as surely you would answer ours later.
At the bottom line, it all comes down to saving just ONE life.

AMERICA
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Mr. Danny, this was wonderful! I think I even know who the “wife and ex-husband” are. If it’s the same people, I remember that very vividly. Thank you for this awesome read! I can’t wait to read more. Thank you for all you do for our men and women in blue. I am so thankful to know some of the most amazing officers in the world.
Thank you. It’s nice to have someone positively reflect on what I did
And what others do on a daily basis. I’ve had the honor to know
Many fine officers as well. There are many out there who are
Overwhelmed by the darkness they see. It is with writing like this
That I hope they see there is light in spite of the darkness. Once again
Thank You for your kind words. Phil 4:13
May the Lord continue to bless us with your presence and may he help guide you through the darkness. We are blessed you choose this and there are many of us who love you for what you do. Thank you. I am sorry you see this sadness and horror. Please don’t give up, we need you. Your children and spouse and family need you.
Thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers.
It’s over for me because I retired but some things
You will always carry with you. I’m hoping through
These words we can help others though. Phil 4:13
This is so touching and well written.. thank you so much. I know it will help many people. May God bless you.
Thanks so much! Phil 4:13
I know these feelings effect alot of police officer across this great country. I to have been there, and have had thoughts. But I just remember it’s not about me it’s about those around me. Takening care and protecting the one who can not fend for themselves.
This is a great article, I wish more people would read it and understand it..
Thanks so much for your kind words. Thanks for your service and your insight. Matt 5:9
Daniel. Super excellent article. It covers all the bases. It HITS HOME.
If possible I would like your authorization to use your article as reference to all my officers.
History: Vietnam Vet, USAF 1964-1968, 9/11 New York State Guard/Army National Guard Military Logistics Chief Pier 92 NYC Office of Emergency Management in charge of all resources, equipment to Ground Zero. 1969 to present Commanding Officer Patrol Borough Brooklyn South Auxiliary Police Command. My responsibilities cover 13 police precincts and over 1,000 volunteer cops.
When you’re in the streets on patrol, the uniforms are the same, the only difference between us and paid officers is the shield and they carry weapons.
Over the course of 50 plus years, I, we have seen everything our counterparts see and have done the same things to serve and protect our citizens.
Myself, thinking back, I have been very lucky, survival was basic common sense, luck and the Lord watching over me. I hold 14 Medals of Valor, 53 Commendations and over 150 Awards of Merit and Recognition from Homicide arrests, armed robbery, burglary, grand larceny auto arrests and the most important saving human lives.
Yes we have seen it all, and over the years we have seen our brother counterparts, our paid officers kill themselves. Sometimes, you know the person, are hanging out with them, and next day find out they killed themselves. The questions are Why, why didn’t I see this coming, could I have helped and most times there is no answer.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Peter A Morici
First of all just let me say. What you’ve experienced in your career in comparison to mine well there is no comparison. I’m
Just a small town cop and although I served in the Marines I didn’t serve in anything like what those poor souls did in Vietnam.
I’m so humbled that you would ask to use this article. God Bless you for your service and your continued efforts to help
Others. Phil 4:13